Sunny or Overcast?

My RS lesson Sunday was on the 'Fall of Adam and Eve' I spent a good amount of time on the scripture; ...he might have joy" I felt like I completely bombed the lesson. It had no direction, nothing connected and half of the really important things I didn't say because I got distracted by someone's comment. I keep stewing about how bad I felt it was but Indy says, 'get over it, it's done.' One of the things I wanted to talk about is when you have the days that you are not feeling the Joy. Nothing is majorly wrong but you're not feeling the joy. There needs to be a word for that. If you say 'a little depressed' it makes it sound like something is seriously wrong. Sometimes I use the word 'fine'. Fine, covers a lot of ground for me. I swiped the following from the blog, 'A daily Scoop' because I thought it was well written.

Why is it so hard for us to admit when we are feeling low? I know I am not the only one who feels this way. To me it is a bit embarrassing to tell someone I am sad and a bit depressed. Why is that? There is no shame in sorrow and grief and depression. They are all human emotions. We all experience them. Why do we feel we must hide them from others?
Perhaps it is because we don't want to make others uncomfortable. Often people do not know how to respond to someone who is grieving or sad or depressed. How can we help them anyway? Maybe we don't tell people because there really isn't anything they can do anyway and we don't want to make them feel bad also.
But I have found that many times, just talking about it (or writing about it) gets the sadness out. Many times we just need to let the sadness out and then we feel better. I guess that is why I decided to blog about it now. It isn't something I should have to hide or be ashamed to feel. I don't expect people to know what to do or to think they need to do something to make it better. I have learned that some things can't be made "better" they just become more bearable.
I just wanted to get a bit of the ache out. I want to see it on the page instead of feeling it like a hole in my chest. Perhaps the sun will come out tomorrow. Here's hoping my spirits warm up as well.

Personally, at the moment I don't feel like I have a hole in my chest or my heart is aching...I have had those days before. It was just one of those days where I was personally a little overcast. I do believe just like the above author said, or it might be the song from Annie, "The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow."

Get your Green on!

I like St Patrick's Day because it is typically a no stress holiday. I will sometimes do green pancakes but nothing usually too fancy. This year without any prior planning, about 4:00 in the afternoon, I thought it would be fun to do a little extra. 1 stop at Zurchers, $20, and 5 minutes to throw it on the table and WA-LA (note this is far below my mother's standards with the paper plates and all, but sometimes that's ok) Indy called about 5:00 and said he wouldn't be home for dinner, he needed to help out his mom. No worries.After Karate I mentioned to the kids that a little Leprechaun had just visited the house and left them a trail of gold leading to some lucky envelopes of money, but the little leprechaun had turned their dinner green.

All went well until we sat down to dinner of green pancakes and green eggs. Pie burst into tears saying that she "couldn't possibly eat a green dinner," and cried so hard she started choking on a grape. Master starts yelling, "she's choking, she's choking. I grabbed her to do the Heimlich and nothing came out. I turned her upside down held by her ankles and whacked her on the back..out came the grape. News flash don't let your 4yr old cry and eat at the same time. Sport then starts yelling, "new eggs mom, new eggs." The kid LOVES eggs but clearly NOT green eggs. I got Pie calmed down, managed to have Sport eat some eggs, left a huge mess on the table and took the kids downstairs to start homework. Master and I got into an argument about his homework. (Why oh why do kids have to question you? He hasn't figured out I really do know more than he does). Pie started complaining about something and Sport just kept yelling "NO" every time I asked him to read his book. About this time Indy called to ask how things were going and to say he was on his way home. HALLELUJAH!!! Happy St. Patrick's Day

A first for everything...

There is a first for everything....
Do you remember in The Christmas Story where Ralfie says fudge and his father then tells his mother....
I'm working away at my desk this morning and Indy walks in to say,
"So Master dropped his first f-bomb"
"WHAT???"
"He was telling me about a funny scene on a Star Wars u-tube lego clip he was watching, and he quoted the fbomb"
(Note we are VERY strict about what Master watches on u-tube and he knows if there is any swearing he can't watch it)
Indy then asks Master, "What did you say?"
Master: "uh a um a um a um 'fusing'?"
Indy then proceeded to drive Master to school vs. letting him take the bus and reinforced how bad that word is, I don't think he defined it, but in 9yr old terms told him it was word we don't use.
I thought about pulling the bar of soap out but soon discovered I actually don't have a 'bar' of soap in my house.

Biggest Boob or Biggest Loser

Confession: I am a huge BOOB (crying one)! Or I am really 6 months pregnant and my hormones are completely out of wack! I can not make it through an episode of Biggest Loser without crying.

Black Hole and reasons to keep a history.

Sorry no pictures to go with this one. I have embarked on this project of better organizing my photos on my computer and scanning in the photos I don't have digital copies of. (ok...I'm paying my niece to do the scanning)...anyway... I have discovered a black hole in my life from October of 2005 through Pie's birth in February. I have zero photos from that time period. Now if the black hole were say March, April, May and nothing exciting was happening I could understand, but Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Sport's birthday in January...nada..zip..zilch. I went to pull out my family calendar from 2005 to see if I could jog a memory as to what we did that year for the holidays. 2005 is the only calender missing from the stack. ok kinda weird. It's making me a little crazy that I can't remember anything from that time period. They say we forget more than we remember and it is sooo true. There is a reason we are counseled to keep journals and histories of ourselves and our families. Thank you blogger, so for it's the only journal I've actually been able to keep on a regular basis.

By Choice

This face. I love, love, love, love it. I can say that about all my kids. I think most moms can say that about all of their kids. At one point I was very afraid I wouldn't love that face. I've been meaning to write this story for a while, and have told it to a few people but have never written it down. So, for the days when I am old and gray, and cant remember exactly, here it is...

When we found out Sport had Down Syndrome it was devastating. With all of the medical unknowns going against his favor, our doctor told us we had a week to decide if we were keeping or terminating the pregnancy.

I've had never even considered abortion but I was scared out of my mind. Could we deal with all of his medical problems? How long would he live past birth? How would this affect our other children? Everyone told me how cute downs kids were and to be brutally honest at that time I didn't think they were cute. (I've since changed my mind.) I had spent a lot of time with kids that had Muscular Dystrophy. I had helped host two Special Olympic ceremonies but had no connection with downs kids.

I had so many questions and no answers. We fasted, we prayed, and somehow I found this crazy thought, that maybe this baby wasn't meant to be, and we could raise him during the millennium. We talked with our Stake President, and met with our Bishop, and they told us the decision was ours to make, they would love and support us either way. Indy was 100% for seeing it through, he was our son and we would love him no matter what. I understood that in my head, but my heart was having a hard time catching up.

I finally told Indy; I had made a commitment that as long as he was the worthy priesthood holder of our home, we would follow his decision. Two weeks went by and I think I cried for every day of those. I honestly thought the tears would never stop, and this hole in my heart would never ever heal. Why oh why could Indy feel peace. but I would pray and pray and find none? We headed to the cabin and I specifically remember crying myself to sleep praying that I could understand why... I had this dream. In my dream I delivered this perfect baby boy. I quickly told the doctor in my dream that, all the tests were wrong and he was perfectly fine. She said, "I know but you need to look at him again." I looked again and his features slowly changed. His eyes became smaller and slanted. His ears and nose became too little for his face. This baby did have Downs. And then I heard a voice in the room that said, "He just wanted you to see him for who he really is"

And that was the end of my dream. From the minute he was born I have loved this face. I love every inch of him. From his webbed toes to his little stubby fingers. I love it all.

March Madness

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March Madness for us does not mean basketball it means Spring Skiing Because taking your 9, 7, and 4 year old skiing with a mom that is 6 months pregnant is madness! I keep telling myself I'm investing in the future and it will be worth it! Notice how 'cool' Master looks - that's only because he's ticked. He completely complains all the way to the mountain, asks how long we 'HAVE' to stay; he then gets there and has a great time. (Makes me CRAZY :)

For now moments like these (above and below are pretty cool)

Clips from today...

Note we are not the Warren Miller family when it comes to expert skiers or expertise in filming. These are short, so enjoy! This is Sport's 4th lesson and it doesn't look like much but it is HUGE for him.

Master was really hoping for some bigger bumps..he wanted to catch some 'air'

This is noisy because Indy was actually hauling to catch up with her. She's a little pink bullet.

February Birthdays

We had a party to celebrate the February Birthdays in our family;

Nana, Indy, Myself and Princess Pie

Somehow I only ended up with pictures of Pie

Here she is opening a gift (with Rachel's help) from Nana

She is a ballerina that attaches to your toes to dance with you.

Pie promptly named her Annabell

I lied

I thought a pain in the butt was having a loose pelvis and SI joint, muscle, and nerve issues. NOT!!!! the real pain in the butt is dropping your cell phone from the ski lift and have it fall like a missile to land in very deep very powdery snow. I had years and years of data in there not backed up. UGGGG it's seriously killing me.