Great Expectations

Fair warning this may be long....written update of the last month.
This has been the most precious time with this new baby and this first month has been sooo awesome. Let's be honest, the previous statement is only partially true. I usually love those first few weeks with a newborn; and that was my expectation with Noah. There have been moments in the last few weeks where I feel like I've "fallen and can't get up" Within the first week of bringing the baby home I was stressing about his circumcision, stressing about his weight, stressing about his belly button.. an extra visit to the doctor and a $20 co-pay I was assured all was well. There hasn't been a whole lot of Rest and Relaxation this summer, the Monday after coming home from the hospital I was carting kids to swim lessons. We still have karate, soccer and dance. For me this 'summer' baby has been hard. He is an angel baby as long as you're holding him. That is wonderful but I've got three other kids that need attention. When you have a winter baby you can hide out in the house in your sweats until some of the 'fatness' goes away. I have nothing to wear! AND when I do happen to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror it's scary! I know in my head it's normal to be up at night with a newborn, but I don't remember being this sleep deprived with my other kids. We went to Bear Lake for 10days only to get 4 days into the vacation and realize I had a strep infection. The brutal truth is between lack of sleep and normal hormone fluctuations there have been times in the last few weeks that I feel like I'm pretty much failing at everything. I'm really worried about getting my 'game on' in time to go back to work. I really didn't 'expect' number 4 to throw me for a loop. My friend Kath and Jess pointed out to me that I do have a Sport factor. For as much as I like to pretend we are 'normal' at this house, we are not. I think Sport is harder now, in some ways, than he was when Princes was born. Most new moms don't worry that their 7yr old is going to escape and wander off, or that he will be outside jumping on the trampoline with all of his clothes off, or need to feed him when he refuses to do it himself. I was on the porch the other night feeding Bubba ( I didn't pick the nick-name the kids did). .. my kids were on the neighbors tramp playing a game with them. Sport desperately wanted to be included but their trampoline doesn't have a ladder, and it has a net, both of which he can't navigate without some help. I hollered at one of the older kids to help him up, but they were too busy playing. It broke my heart just a little; so I un-latched the baby and went over to help him. By the time I got back to my porch to keep feeding the baby the kids were done with their game and had all gotten off the trampoline; only to leave Sport still on the trampoline stuck inside the net...once again set the baby down and went to help Sport. I'm not sure who got short-changed Bubba or Sport...thus the Sport factor. I need to remember to cut myself a little slack and to maybe re-arrange my expectations.
I do need to note the parts of this first month that have been awesome.
The kids have been wonderful with Bubba. They are soft and gentle and love him. They have been for the most part very patient as I have continually said, "hold on, I need to change, feed, diaper the baby and then I can help you". Bubba is the best snuggler, and I do love to snuggle that little bundle. He has beautiful hands and feet and I love his eyes and lips. I love his little clothes and undershirts. All in all I would say these first 4 weeks have been a little crazy, but it's my crazy and I kinda like it.