He kind of cracks me up...

#12 Anniversary

New York, New York that was the big plan for our 12th anniversary.  Brian had a work meeting and I was more than happy to tag along.  We did my Dad's funeral instead. bummer

But to make up for it we did a quick over-night to the Waldorf Astoria in Park City,
Loved it!  We burned up a gift card at Ruth's Chris Steak House and had a completely awesome dinner.
12 Years.  It's crazy but I so love our crazy!  "I got you babe"

BL Labor Day weekend

This weekend was basically as my kids would say "chillaxin"

Zoe and Gemma



We had to move the furniture to clean the carpets; for some reason kids love that



Tis the season

That's my boy.
Practice is every night for 2 hours and games on Saturday.
The regular season is over.  His team is undefeated; playoffs here we come!

My mom

I won't reveal her age, but you have to admit she has rockin legs for a Grandma.  I love this picture she is holding Carson's hand.  The only part of the funeral I regret is that I'm not sure my mom got enough credit.  My parents have been separated for 11 years but never divorced.  I can say quite honestly my Dad put my mom through some very VERY hard times.  I think sometimes people wondered how in the world my crazy, sometimes scandalous Dad, had four, sane, successful, church going kids....the answer is my mom.  She is the rock foundation and the glue that held us all together.

Count your blessings

If I had anything to say about the picking of my siblings; I picked well, I picked very well.
My two brothers and my sister have always been there for me.  I can think of some very tough moments in life and they have ALWAYS been there.  My Dad didn't have anything prepared for this death.  And dying means taking care of a lot of business.  From where to be buried and what to be buried in etc. etc.  The week before he died when I was up at the emergency room with him and the doctor was asking me all the specifics of his DNR.  CPR? Chest tube? Breathing tube? life support? for how long? ?? I didn't know! Within one phone call my sister was talking me through it.  Within an hour Mark was by my side and Matt was ready to take over the next day.  We have been through thick and thin together and I am so blessed to have their love and support in my life.
 

Funeral continued

 

  

How many Nannies does it take?

I saw this picture and I have to laugh because yes that is me with two, count them two Nannies.  So how many Nannies do I need to help me at a funeral?  Two.
To be fair Cass is holding my nephew.  I knew I for sure needed one there that day and Cass was able to get off work and make it at the last minute.  Even in classic moments; real life tends to intrude.  Bubba screamed bloody murder during the funeral service; so loud Dani had to take him not just outside the chapel, but outside the church.  Just before leaving the church for the cemetery I realized Sport had poop going all the way up his back; and no I didn't pack a spare church shirt in my bag.  I though about going with a Hollywood look and taking the shirt off and leaving his jacket on but decided to wipe him down, put the shirt back on, tuck the shirt back in, and refuse to let him take his suit coat off.

The funeral

I'm still not sure I have the words to express what I'm feeling.  There is a part of me that is afraid 'to go there'.  While I have a minute I will do my best to re-count what I said during my portion.
"I remember dancing as a little girl with my Dad and then again when I was in high school during my drill team years.  On many of those drill team early morning practices he would drive me and on the cold mornings I would just sit and hold his warm cup of coffee.  To this day I love to hold a warm cup of coffee.  I can't stand the taste, I just want to hold and smell.
I'm going to talk about three things and how they relate to my Dad; Protection, Priceless gifts, and love.
Protection - When I was about 5, I was going through a phase that I couldn't go to sleep because I was convinced the boogy man was going to get me.  My Dad took me into his arms and said, he had a relationship with God and because God knew how much He (my Dad) loved me, he wouldn't let anything happen to me....and that was all I needed I could sleep after that.  A few years back I was going through something tough and my Dad sent me a text saying he was sending GA's my way and I thought What???? He doesn't know any General Authorities...and then I remembered Guardian Angels.  When he first passed away my mom asked me if I could feel his presence and I said I couldn't feel anything.  Later that day I was reading a message on facebook and it said, "I believe our Dad's become our protectors even more so after death than they were here in this life". and then I could feel him there closely watching over me.
Priceless gifts - In July when my Dad was staying with me I sat down on the edge of the bed and he said, "Meli my biggest regret is that I don't have anything financially to leave your mom and your siblings"  I said, " Dad you probably missed my blogpost but this past Fathers Day I said I was grateful for a father that has given me things money can not buy.  Dad, you've always believed in me and been one of my greatest cheerleader, you gave me the gift of confidence.  It's amazing what you can do when you know someone believes in you."  I've said things like this before to my Dad but he looked at me, and the look on his face said, he finally understood.
Love - My Dad was never shy about telling us he loved us.  Even when he wasn't making the greatest choices my mom would always reassure us how much he loved us.   I know my Dad loved me and yet at the sometime when he was making certain choices it didn't always feel that way.  It's a hard thing to understand, on the one hand you have this man that loves his family, and serves, and would give whatever he had to you, but you've also got a man making bad decisions and struggling with addiction. So what is the missing link?  Where is the connection, or what is the disconnect?  As I was talking to a friend last night he very simply said, "Melanie it's the Atonement"  My heart started to beat faster and instantly I had tears running down my face, I knew that was the answer.  BUT I didn't want it to be the answer.  The Atonement to me is this BIG powerful thing, that I understand very very little of.  This is what I do know.  I know that all of us want to live life at seventy-two degrees because it's comfortable there, it's money in the bank, it's stress free.  The problem is life doesn't happen at seventy-two degrees.  All of us have things to deal with; it could be grief, or envy, or failure, or guilt; in those defining moments we make a decision to either give those things to the Savior and let go of whatever heartache we or feeling and let the Atonement start to work in our lives, or we take a path that looks easier and it's more comfortable to hang on to our hurts and injustices.  Sometimes my Dad made the right decision and sometimes he didn't.  One time we were sitting in the ER waiting room of Lakeview hospital after one of those very bad decisions.  My filter must have been off because I made some inappropriate comment and my Dad's friend turned to me and said "but he's still your Dad"  I was so mad, at my Dad I had had enough and I was ready to turn him in for a different model.   I don't understand all of the decisions my Dad has made in his life, but I'm grateful for his life and what I have learned from it.  I am grateful it has given me the opportunity to turn to my Savior.  I believe in eternal progression and I know as I learn these things my Dad is doing the same on the other side.  I love him and I would not trade him for anything.  In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen

Obituary

Paul Victor Roylance
1944 ~ 2011
Paul Victor Roylance, age 67, passed away Friday, September 9, 2011 in Bountiful, Utah from heart failure. Paul was born on April 22, 1944 in North Ogden, Utah to Grace Wolthius and Victor Storey Roylance. He attended Weber High School, served an LDS mission in the Netherlands and graduated with a finance degree from Weber College. Paul married Linda McMullin on August 25, 1967 in the Salt Lake Temple. He worked for much of his life in the financial industry. He was an avid reader and loved the outdoors. He enjoyed camping, fishing, and the Oregon coast. Paul's greatest joy in life was his family. He always had a special connection with little ones and he loved to sing them to sleep. 
He is survived by Linda, his children Matthew (Lynette) Roylance, Melinda (Kerry) McGrath, Melanie (Brian) Bingham, and Mark (Jana) Roylance, his 13 grandchildren, and his siblings Sharon (Dee) Neuenschwander, Nancy (Ross) Olsen, Gay (Hugh) Bringhurst, and Grant (Karen) Roylance. Paul was preceded in death by his mother and father. 
Services will be held on Monday, September 12 at 2:30 pm at the LDS Chapel at 205 East Elberta Street in North Ogden. His interment will be held at the Ben Lomand Cemetary immediately following at 526 East 2850 North, Ogden, UT. Funeral Services provided by Evans and Early Mortuary in Salt Lake City, Utah. Paul will be dearly missed.

Gone

Thursday about 12:45a.m. my Dad passed away.  I'm just not sure I have the words yet.

I think it was the shirt

My day was going as planned. I was working while Bubba was sleeping and noticed I had missed a call from my brother. Funny how a 20 second little message can change your entire day.
It's Game Day (GO UTES!). I dressed my entire family in their UTE gear this morning. Myself, I was sporting a new UTE shirt that is black with a sparkly U logo on the bust. I was feeling good not 'hot' but good in my new t-shirt.
That 20 second little message was my brother saying they had taken my Dad to the ER. The ER was a zoo today. I was there from about 2:45 to 8:30 And somewhere around 6:00 I really needed a diet coke. I noticed a group of fireman - EMT had come into the ER. I'm not one of those girls that has a thing for fireman. I dated two briefly and found them a little strange. BUT these three were cute. I wandered out to the hallway to see where in the world I could find a soda, I asked the nurse, she turns to the EMT and says 'will you get her a drink'. He looked at me smiled and said,
What would you like?
Diet coke.
Straw?
Yes
In a cup
Yes
Over ice?
YES!!!
He was my new Bff! Did I mention I was wearing a cute shirt with a sparkly U on the bust BUT I didn't do my hair today, it was on top of my head in a messy bun and my make-up had pretty much worn off. Which means I think the shirt saved me.
More on my Dad tomorrow.
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